If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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