it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
