you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
