I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize