I feel great
I just peed on a car
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I love you.
Bad choice
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
