I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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