I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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