Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
