Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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