I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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