Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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