jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
