I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
