The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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