Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
