At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So much rum. So many feels.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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