dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
