Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
