You're so nebulous sometimes
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
