quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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