Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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