New invention idea: vibrating tampons
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
