The maid of honor just puked.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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