Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
