listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
