you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
