My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Your topless pictures make me question reality
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
