You're my little dorito
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
