pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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