If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
