You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
