ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
