He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
