That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
