i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
