He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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