Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
