I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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