I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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