stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
