I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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