my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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