So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
