Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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