I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
