so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
