Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
