she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
