I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
