Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
