we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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