Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She is in my trunk
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
