Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
