i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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