I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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