glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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