last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
