i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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