i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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