Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
