...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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