that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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