she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
