i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
