this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
