i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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