he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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