Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
