i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
