well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
