he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Randomize
