I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
