is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
