Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize