Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
