I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
